In my mind, Granny is speeding down the Parkway doing 85 in her souped-up Hoveround, weaving in and out of traffic and cackling as she kicks up gravel onto the hoods of other drivers.
She's wearing driving gloves and a helmet, and a jacket with sponsors printed on it. TidyCat... Polident... Meow Mix... Red Heart Yarn... Werthers (for the grandkids)... All the key brands are there. Her scarf waves tauntingly behind her in the breeze like the arm of a beckoning siren.
She zooms around a bend and the local fuzz clocks her at 90. They flip on the red-and-blues and hit the wailing alarms in pursuit.
Ah, but Granny's mind is still sharp and her Hoveround is nimble. She slips between the wheels of a gas truck trailer and takes the right lane.
The cops try to cut over in time, but instead find the grill of the gas truck is now tasting their own car's bumper. The trucker honks. The cops screech left. Granny slides down the off-ramp, giving the law the finger and shouting, "Catch me next time, coppers!" She whisks off to further adventures... Like the one-day 50% off basket sale at Michaels.
Never get between Granny and a nice new basket. She'll tuck her driving gloves, helmet and scarf in this brand new Longaberger for safe-keeping... And there they will stay, until one fine morning the southern wind picks up, and the highway calls her name once more.
Wishing a great Memorial Day weekend to you, folks!