I noticed some Googler came to this blog searching for "Darth Vader Voice Generator." And while I'm afraid I had nothing to meet his current need, the thought did cross my mind:
How awesome would it be to spend the entire workday talking in a Darth Vader voice?!!
I mean, I do a lot of client service. And while much of this takes place through email, I do have a certain amount of meetings and phone interactions. I think it would really liven things up if I could do it all sounding like the main recruitment officer for the Dark Side of the Force.
"I UNDERSTAND THAT THE PLACEMENT OF MY CLIENT'S ADS IS CURRENTLY INCORRECT, VENUE SCUM. THAT WAS TO BE A CORNER PEEL ON YOUR HOME PAGE INSTEAD OF A LEADERBOARD AND BIG BOX ROADBLOCK. I SHOULD CRUSH YOUR TRACHEA WITH MY MIND.HOWEVER I WILL SETTLE FOR 200,000 MAKE GOOD IMPRESSIONS AND A NICE CARD AT CHRISTMAS."
I imagine it would be the last time there was ever a mistake regarding ad placements.
Having a voice like Darth Vader would probably make a capabilities presentation new and exciting, too.
"WE ARE A FULL SERVICE MARKETING AGENCY AND MY PARTICULAR FOCUS IS CRAFTING LANGUAGE FOR YOUR ONLINE BRANDING ELEMENTS. I WILL HELP YOU DEFINE YOUR BRAND IN A SIMPLE, USER-FRIENDLY WAY. AND IF THAT PROVES UNSUCCESSFUL, I WILL LEVERAGE THE FORCE ON YOUR BEHALF, CHANNELING MY DEEP INNER RAGE AT YOUR COMPETITORS, WHO WILL FEEL THE SWIFT BURNING BLADE OF MY LIGHT SABRE, RIGHT BEFORE I CRUSH THEIR TRACHEAS WITH MY MIND."
Lastly, I foresee picking up lunch to be a refreshingly different type of endeavor. Particularly if it's at the bagel shop a few doors down, where the folks who work there leave you waiting while they finish their conversation about their last hot night on the town. And even when they do finally wait on you, you have to repeat your order three times and head off condiments you don't want.
"I WILL HAVE A HAM AND CHEDDAR ON A HONEY GRAIN BAGEL, NO MAYO, AND IF YOU CONTINUE TO IGNORE ME WHILE YOU IDLY CHATTER, FOOLISH BAGEL JOCKEYS, I SHALL HAVE NO RECOURSE OTHER THAN TO CALL IN MY TEAM OF STORM TROOPERS TO PILLAGE YOUR PAPER NAPKINS, MELT YOUR PLASTIC UTENSILS AND LASER YOUR GLASS SNEEZE GUARD TO OBLIVION."WAIT, I SAID NO MAYO, NO MAYO!... OKAY, THAT'S IT! I WILL JUST HAVE TO CRUSH YOUR TRACHEA WITH MY MIND."
See? It's the gift that just keeps on giving.
So tell me-- what would you do with your Darth Vader voice generator?