So you say you have an Evil Empire. Well, the economy is affecting everyone these days, and unfortunately, sometimes even a well-laid plan for iron-fisted world domination and mass enslavement isn't enough.
The key is recognizing just when your power to dictate over your mindless minions is losing that extra-special zing due to finances. So to help you along, we at Cabbages wanted to share just a few signs your Dark Overlord gig might be taking a hit from the recession.
- You had plans to hold the world hostage with a giant laser. But based on available cash flow, your Evil Purchasing Department has bought you a laser light pen and a large overhead projector.
- Your Death Star is at the Sheriff's Sale, being bid on by developers who want to turn it into environmentally-friendly condos.
- To offset the cost of your Killer Shark Tank, you renamed it "Underwater PredatorLand," wrote up some educational signage, and charge admission to tourists during evil off-hours.
- You've had to trade your black custom supercar with the jet propulsion rockets for something that gets better gas mileage. But you're not quite sensing the level of respect you once enjoyed now that you're sporting the used beige Camry with the "Baby on Board" sign.
- You've had to sell your remote secret hideout in the volcanic island, and move to more economical digs. But your Dastardly Underlings keep complaining it's hard to be truly evil while working from a cubicle in an office park. Morale is down.
- Your taunting conference calls to your goody-two-shoes Arch-Nemesis keep getting interrupted by the operator asking you to drop another fifty-cents in the slot.
- The expensive exotic cat you had, regrettably, died. It has been replaced by what you've insisted is a very violent goldfish with a black soul. You suspect no one is buying it.
- Elaborate evil torture devices are now being cleverly-crafted from leftover flat-pack pieces from the IKEA clearance area.
- Your personal anti-gravity helicopter has been repossessed, so you've had to hijack a Sunshine Helicopter Tour every time you plan to be involved in a high-speed chase scene.
- Your mass hypnotism ray has devolved to have a more personalized touch, involving a dangling watch and a few instructions about feeling very sleepy and clucking like a chicken. You maintain that while this will take somewhat longer, the final results are what matters.