So you say you have an Evil Empire. Well, the economy's affecting everyone these days and sometimes even the best-laid plans for iron-fisted world domination and mass enslavement aren't enough.
The key is recognizing just when your nefarious power loses that special zip. So to help you along, we at Cabbages wanted to share just a few signs your Dark Overlord gig might be taking a hit from cutbacks.
- You had plans to hold the world hostage with a giant laser. But your Evil Purchasing Department gave you a laser light pen and a Powerpoint projector.
- Your Death Star is part of a Sheriff's Sale, being bid on by developers. Of eco-friendly condos.
- To offset the cost of your Killer Shark Tank, you renamed it "ScaryBiteyFishWorld," wrote up some educational signage and charge admission to tourists during evil off-hours.
- You've had to trade your black custom supercar with the rockets for something with better gas mileage. Yet you sense a loss of respect each time you alight from the used beige Camry with the "honor student" bumper sticker.
- You've had to sell your remote secret hideout in the volcanic island and move to more economical digs. But your minions complain they can't be effectively evil working from cubes in an office park next to TGIFriday's. Morale is down.
- Your taunting conference calls to your goody-two-shoes Arch-Nemesis are interrupted because your pre-paid phone card has run out again.
- Your expensive exotic cat died. It has been replaced by what you insist is a "violent goldfish with a black soul." You suspect no one is buying it.
- Elaborate torture devices are now being cleverly-crafted from leftover flat-pack pieces from the IKEA clearance area.
- Your personal anti-gravity helicopter has been repossessed, so you hijack the local helicopter tour each time there's high-speed chase scene. You charge the tourists $10 a piece for the privilege.
- Your mass hypnotism ray has been exchanged for a more personalized technique, involving a dangling watch and instructions to cluck like a chicken. Though this method will take somewhat longer, you assure everyone the final results are what matters.